Survivor Satire

The Fusion of Reality Television and Offensive Sarcasm

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E-Mail Me

I was going to put absolutely nothing on this page just to waste your time and screw around with you because playing jokes on people is one of my favorite things to do.  By telling you this, I am actually fulfilling my duty on this page, so I guess the joke is on me.  Crap!  Since I already screwed up, here are three more things I like to do:

  1. If you get on an elevator that already has people on it, wait for the door to just close and press the number of the floor from which you just came.  The door will open immediately, at which time you say, "Wow, that was fast!"  Get off the elevator and let them think you're nuts.  It's even better if you know somebody on the elevator because they can tell you what everyone said about you.
  2. Put one of those really noisy plastic cookie package bottoms in the middle of the hallway before you go to bed.  You're going to scare the crap out of someone.  It also doubles as in inexpensive security system against unwanted intruders.
  3. Argue.  I'll argue with anyone about anything.  If I'm all alone, I'll start an argument with myself.  If it gets into a shouting match, I'll walk away from myself and try to calm myself down a bit.