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After a dozen seasons or so of mocking, ranting, and futile attempts at humor, I'm finally done writing for Survivor. Going to sleep at 2:30 and waking up at 5:30 has taken a toll on me. I'm sure there are two or three people sad to read this and two or three excited to read it. The sad people are the ones who have nothing to do on Friday mornings. The happy ones are probably Democrats tired of listening to my conservative points of view. Here is a Top Ten List of why I'm no longer writing, and as usual, it doesn't contain ten items:
8.) 16 losing seasons for the Pittsburgh Pirates. (What this has to do with Survivor, I don't know, but doesn't make it any less painful.)
7.) I'm beginning to work on my Palin for President in 2012 campaign. (Hilary never saw Barack coming and she certainly never saw Sarah coming.)
6.) Scheduling conflict. (Thursdays are when I cling to my guns and religion. According to Obama, I'm a bitter American.)
5.) I've put more time and effort into Survivor than the five years I spent working on my Bachelor's degree, and I don't have a Degree in Reality TV to show for it.
4.) Lack of Drive (It is easier to do nothing than it is to do something. Isn't this profound?)
3.) Lack or Material. (How many ways can you make fun of gay people. Well, I'm sure I could think of a few more.)
2.) Lack of Sleep. (I'm tired of falling asleep while I drive my kids to the Friday Night Dog Fights.)
1.) Lack of Sex. (Thursday night is my regularly scheduled sex night, so during the Survivor season, I don't get any.
So there you have it. Take care and enjoy the season!!
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