Survivor Satire

The Fusion of Reality Television and Offensive Sarcasm

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Funniest Things My Kid Said:

He's only four so I don't have many yet.  Actually, he has said many funny things, but I don't want his humor to eclipse my weekly attemps to make people laugh, so I'm keeping his list short.

  1. My three year old son wanted some peanut M&M's one night.  Who can blame him?  I told him he wasn't allowed because he didn't eat all of his dinner.  He started screaming, "I want my M&M's!"  I said, "If you don't stop, I'm going to smack you."  He said, "Daddy, you can smack me, but I still want my M&M's"  (If any Child Services freaks are reading this, I never smacked him!)  I was laughing too hard.
  2. One day I was outside working in the yard with my son...I was working outside, and he was talking to some birds.  He said, "I'm going to blow you away!"  I thought what in the world is my wife letting him watch during the day?  Scarface?  I turned, and he was trying to blow them away as if they were a bunch of birthday candles.
  3. We were drawing on the driveway with chalk, and my son asked me do draw a Daddy.  I asked how do I draw a Daddy.  He said, "First, make a big mouth."
  4. When my son was four, I asked him what he wanted for Christmas.  He said, "A weapon."