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Tim's Top Twenty One Laws:
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Some might consider these Laws at the most, a bunch of hypotheses, or at the very least, the opinions of an ass. NO! The ideas listed below are indeed Laws, and they are based on painstaking research (socializing at parties), careful observations (people-watching at the mall), and prudent and thoughtful analysis of the results (thinking while sitting on the toilet without anything to read). If many seem to be sexist in nature, they probably are. Just remember, you can always make your own website and make fun of men.
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- You will never see a beautiful woman with a poor guy.
- Children's toys take three times longer to put together than expected. Five times longer if your kid helps you.
- Anyone who knows their golf handicap, never shoots it.
- Men make bad drivers because we drive too aggressively. Women make bad drivers because the last thing on their mind when they're driving...is driving.
- When you're on the phone and need a pencil, every point is broken...except for the one your two-year old is using to poke holes through the leather sofa.
- Women and technology don't mix.
- Anyone who starts conversation with, "Let me be honest with you." is about to lie or lies with great regularity.
- If you're in a hurry at the super market, every lane will have an old lady with a checkbook.
- People who give apples on Halloween are mental midgets and need toilet papered, but not in my case. I forgot it was Halloween. If I catch those kids....
- Insurance covers everything except for what you need.
- People who snack on halves of cookies for the purpose of weight control, snack three times as often.
- At the professional football level, there are no chubby cheerleaders.
- Women choose ignorance in order to avoid new responsibilities.
- Women have children so they have a reason to do more shopping.
- There's a direct relationship between the amount of money you have and how good looking you are. This is even truer for women, see Law #1.
- Victory through cheating means nothing, nor does beating inferior competition.
- You will never find a female financial advisor.
- Church goes faster if you sleep during the sermon.
- Everyone will eventually come to the realization of how stupid they look when they dance.
- There is no surer bet than to bet against whatever I bet.
- The more someone tries to appear a certain way the more certain they are not. For example, the more someone claims how honest they are, the less you should trust them.
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