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1. I will never dance...while I'm sober. If I'm drunk, I will still never do a line dance. Does the Chicken Dance count because that's a circle?
2. I will never like country music. My personal Hell will be a bunch of bucktooth rednecks playing banjos and washboards while jumping around in overalls, flannel shirts, and ten gallon hats.
3. I will never vote for a Democrat, unless she is hot, and makes some remarkable campaign promises.
4. I will never like soccer. It is BORING! Defense isn't exciting, scoring is exciting. Other problems include: not enough shots on goal, the field is too big, nobody knows how much time is left, players constantly fake injuries, overtime isn't sudden death, and there are many more reasons. If any fanatical European soccer lunatics are reading this, please don't kill me. I'm sure I could grow to like it.
5. I will never put on women's clothes. Guys who do this for Halloween or whatever reason are trying to tell us something.
6. I will never lose to a girl in something...anything. If you happen to know about the 40 yard dash, she is an All-American and my hamstrings were tight.
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